Hell

"The angels are screaming, their shrieks fill the sky." Whispers and whispers coming from nowhere, and everywhere. Picture red skies, almost burning, a torn city, skyscrapers now nothing but lumps of debris, with few standing frames, still smoldering brightly. Imagine everyone you know, everyone you met and will ever meet, dying literally all around you. "A death worse than death". The most appropriate way of condensing this feeling. Then to top it up, picture having to relive this everytime you close your eyes and head to slumberland.
Weird & sickening as it may seem, i had to go through this every single night for the past two weeks. Right now, insomnia is my best friend. 2 weeks with less than 10 hours of sleep, and you'll be ready for anything charging towards you. Trying to figure out the literal or metaphoric implication of this "hopefully-NOT-a-premonition" is yet another road block for me. Maybe i did something really wrong, maybe i ate something really wrong, or some higher being is just too bored and decided to toy with my sanity.
These dreams are more like a really annoying paragraph, left hanging in mid air right after you regain consciousness . And trying to piece everything together is like trying to remember your first grade school mate's cousin's brother's birthday. Took awhile but finally got at least 50% of the story patched up, and i'm posting it here for everyone to dwell and enjoy. There were different versions of course, but all came to a similar ending. Everyone died. Now that i see this, it really feels like a sick and dark horror film with a really low budget. Everyone died, and i'm left all alone with lots of space to spare. The only things accompanying me are whispers which make no sense whatsoever. If this is hell then someone has to try harder, cause i'm still alive and kicking.
Then, i realized lying on bed in the dark whole night staring at the ceiling was a total waste of time. Hence, i sat on the chair in the dark whole night staring at the wall. Wall-staring is a really strenuous exercise. Even more tiring than ceiling-staring. Somniphobia is the fear of sleep. I'm having somniphobia right now, and i also learned a new word. If i look so very alive n cheer-y in lectures, its all thanks to a bottle of pills my friend in the service provided me, labeled "P-15" aka adrenaline pills. Taking one gives a 80 year old a performance of a 20 year old in bed for an hour. Or it could give you one whole day's of push and zing for studying in a really stressful university.
In a totally unrelated event, two weeks ago i had this crush for one of my uni-mate. After getting the consent of my ex, i'm all on to wooing her, but now i realized she hates me. The things i did for her, all from the bottom of my sincere heart, flushed away in an instant. Now, i feel more like a personal butler, with no pay. I'd give up my most valued possessions for her, I'd give her all my time in the world, I'd give up my life for her. Pretty extensive crush huh? Too bad no chances are given, hence no results were obtained. I'll still treat her like a queen mind you, keeping a promise made to myself.
This has nothing to do with the nightmares, at least i think so. These two happening at the same time is simple coincidence. She still hates me though. This is not me emo-ing, this is me thinking out loud. Oh god i really like her. I'm so damn tired now. As in really really exhausted. I might pass out any second now. *thump*